04 March 2015

About Almost Having 2 Children

My days are almost accomplished my friends. I cannot believe it. Whether this little girl be early or late, all will be well, and I will still be in denial. Everyday I frantically look around to see what else I can organize, bake, cook, or snuggle and get right to it, and on the double. Well, as on the double as I can... I had bronchitis last week.

About six times every day I am so tempted to call Dan and tell him I'm in labor even though I'm not. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's such a good joke. BUT, I think this is something I probably shouldn't cry wolf about because labor ain't no joke. I told Dan the other day about my temptations and his response was so classic. He said it was such a Patience thing to do, which, naturally, I took as a compliment. When he came home from work today he asked me "so how many times did you want to call me and say you were in labor?" "Oh about five," was my reply. Now that he knows, the opportunity for such a joke is minimal at best, which is probably a good thing. I wonder if he will actually believe me when it happens. (He just said he probably won't.)

I think that OBs/Midwives are really missing out on a certain market. Maybe a comedy routine or a coffee table book... I don't know. Don't you think they would have a lot to say about the state of a bikini line during the 3rd trimester? I mean, whatever your method is, try as you might, it's just the blind leading the blind at this point. I keep meaning to ask my midwife at my weekly appointments what trends they see in the late 30s but darn it I never do. Next week!

22 February 2015

3 Weeks Left!

Jude is really cute.

Walking all the way to the complex dumpster 9 months pregnant with an empty DiGiorno pepperoni frozen pizza box for recycling is pretty much the worst walk of shame I've ever been on. Don't look at me!! I try not to eat crap but you know, it happens. With all the snow in these parts there were a lot of people in the parking lot digging out their cars this morning... just looking at me... with their eyes... staring at my pizza box. Oh the shame. Last night it was cold and dark and the snow wasn't stopping. Instead of keeping warm in bed like we should have been doing (it's just so awkward these days for that (I'm so pregnant)) we popped a frozen pizza in the oven and started 'Boyhood' in preparation for this evening's Oscars. I guess there could be worse walks of shame, or maybe not. I'm trying to forget about it. When I got to the dumpster though there were like a million packages of empty razor starter kits, which I thought was pretty weird. How many people are you shaving anyway? And all at once? I don't get it. So maybe that person felt the walk of shame too. Maybe I'm not alone.

I was kept up last night with memories of bringing Jude home from the hospital. Those first few months of nursing all night long, forgetting to brush my teeth, being sustained mostly by PBJs.... oh it's gonna start all over again. Someone give me a 6 month old! Or perhaps just a night nurse. I'd take that actually. Can you even imagine?!! Oh, to be the 1%, and to maybe have some family around. Waaaaaaaaaahh. 

What else? We are just organizing and prepping for this little girl. Cleaning out closets, stocking the freezer, buying all the onesies, deciding what to spend my Target gift cards on, and going over my positive affirmations to get my mind ready for labor. I tried hypno-birthing last time and those ladies are just high, I decided. I have a few more things I want to sew but the material I want is never on sale and all those stupid coupons don't work for what I want. Seriously, Michaels and Jo-Ann's Fabric, just stop with the coupons. Price your merchandise at coupon price for the love because it is such a pain in the ass to wait for your stupid coupons in the mail or on your phone. Does the coupon marketing really work that well for your company? When I'm pregnant I just don't hold back, Dan likes to remark. 

06 February 2015


The main thing about being this pregnant is my aim. Just the other night Dan was lounging in our bed talking to me and I thought, how about I go in for a cuddle? So I take aim and then fall back only to miscalculate all together, landing roughly on his abdomen causing him to yelp. Then we both laughed at my pregnancy induced clumsiness. I take aim and I try, but calculating this much mass on a body that is not used to it is actually quite difficult. Good thing the uterus is so protective or else this poor child would come out a little black and blue, I'm sure. I feel like a missile whose coordinates were entered incorrectly and who knows where on God's green earth it's gonna land. Your guess is as good as mine! Watch out friends, I'm a little wobbly and rough around the edges and you could be my next victim. 

What else. We have been sick sick sick this past week. It started with Jude getting some super stomach bug that caused disgustingness for almost 5 days. For the love. Then I got it and it only lasted about a day for me. Dan still has not fallen ill to it and I'm hoping he doesn't because we have an early Valentines/Anniversary date tomorrow morning at a quaint little all-you-can-eat brunch place in DC that I've been looking forward to since I started medicating my heart burn. Hold those cookies down Dan, at least until Sunday. 

Jude of course is still really cute. He is almost THREE years old. He talks and talks and loves to ask "why?" all day long. My tactic with this is to ask why back to him and it's fun to see what answers he comes up with. He graduated to a Big Boy Bed last week and is loving it. He takes great pride getting into bed and out of bed himself. If we help him it ends in tears and he has to start all over again. He's really into Paw Patrol these days and has requested that theme for his birthday when previously he wanted Batman. Batman is so much easier. Ghaaah. He listens to everything and then repeats it or asks what it means. Jude is still our little cuddle bug and gets giddy if we let him cuddle in bed with us in the mornings, especially if his Dad is still home.  Jude loves to hear stories about his uncles and could play pretend all day long with you if you have the patience. His memory rivals his fathers and he is constantly telling us about things that happened a year ago. It's freaky. And you know, he is just a great little guy and we love him so much it hurts is about it. 

29 January 2015

A January Update

Oh hi I'm back. So guess what. I'm going to be having this baby girl in SEVEN freaking weeks. I'm still in denial. I know what's coming and I'm like, just hold on little lady and trust me girl- things are better on the inside than on the outside. When Jude was a week overdue I just rolled around in bed being angry, crying, and refusing to answer phone calls or text messages from anyone. Ha ha. So dramatic. Now I'm like, honey, you take your sweet time, Mama's not ready. There are so many things to do but I'm too damn pregnant to get them done. Someone send me a sister! Why the eff did I move so far away from everyone who loves me? I'm an idiot is why. Oh well. Life is about decisions. And heart burn.

Just this morning I was cuddling with Jude and he says "can I feel mine sister kick?", then he pulled up my shirt and put his little paw on my tummy and she actually kicked for him.  It was really sweet. Then he gave my tummy a kiss and asked me to keep playing his tablet game with him. Now those are brother-sister relations I can deal with. What I can't deal with is trying to nurse a newborn all the live long day while a toddler wants to go outside, go to story time, see his friends and go to Chick-Fil-A. Life is really going to suck for a little while so this girl better be just as cute as Jude to make it worth it. Because I feel like I'll be cheating on him! My little buddy, my side kick. Oh Jude I'm sorry!!!!! There is a perfect emoticon for this. It's on the second page of smiley faces, second row down and third in from the right. The second one in from the right would also work, in a pinch. 

The main thing different in this pregnancy than during Jude's is one, I'm medicating my heart burn which is the best decision I've ever made, and two, I am so freaking thirsty all the time. I cannot get enough ice water. I drink at least 72-96 ounces a day. Good grief. If you see me out and about I'm probably on my way to the bathroom so don't interrupt me. 

So that's that. Christmas was great as well and I'm also enjoying this new year, you?

12 December 2014

I'm Weird

The other day I went into Jo-Ann Fabrics to pick up some material for a Christmas project for Jude. I don't know what it is about that store, but it seems like the minute I walk in I check my feminism* right at the door. Not that a feminist person can't sew and be a feminist too... something weird happens to me in that store and I don't quite know how to explain it.

I've never been one to gush about things like getting engaged or finding out I'm expecting. When Dan proposed to me I was like "Yeah, sure, now get up off your knee because this is so weird". Yet that man still loves me. Dan likes to tease me by telling people I looked at him wide eyed and said "Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" and then mushed and mushed him, and every time it still bugs me even though it's been a joke on rotation for 7 years. Society makes me think I should have certain responses to certain events and usually I'm just not that into it. 

But darn that fabric store. The second I walk in I'm all like "I am an eternal mother who can sew useful things for her children through her God given talents and nurturing abilities". It's weird. Even typing that sentence makes me want to gag myself with a spoon but I really feel that way in a fabric store. Goodbye feminist Patience, hello the Patience my father probably thinks I am ;). 

Running my hands along all those bolts of fabric, feeling the different qualities, looking at batting! It sucks the feminist right out of me. The buttons take me to a whole other level and don't even get me started on Velcro options. Then the ladies that cut my fabric always asking what I'm making, I just gush to them as they slowly affirm the naturally nurturing mother of children that I am while gazing at my full belly and congratulating me through ESP on yet another achievement in motherhood. Ha ha ha. It's the weirdest thing. 

And all I'm making for him is a cape. Also, this is probably why I only sew a few times a year.

And this is probably the perfect post to ask, do you think she looks like me? I think she has my nose.

*no disrespect to the feminist seamstress, I'm just relating my experience

07 November 2014

Out to Sea

Well, yep, we are having a baby. In March. It's a girl and we don't know what we will name her. Jude's vote is for "Jessie" so we will have to wait and see what actually happens. Jude and Jessie though, kinda sweet.

It has been months since I have last blogged. The first trimester sent me out to sea for a solid 14 weeks where no remedy could soothe the constant rocking back and forth nausea. My best defense was deep breathing and always holding on to something so I could make it through the day. Also, lots of shows and lying on the couch. I've never been on an official cruise but oddly I don't think I ever want to go on one now. Those 14 weeks cured any cruising curiosity I thought I ever had.

These months of carrying around this little body have brought me to a lot of inward soul searching. Mostly trying to figure out how to make it in a world with parents who are unable to show their love for you in a way that seems plausible. I hate to say they don't care about me but that is how it seems to be. I know lots of people are in the same boat (too soon!), so I try not to have pity parties too often but they still happen. My MIL always says that the person who cares the most always looses the most. So no more caring... except the older I get the more I find that I actually do care. A lot of bloggers are always immortalizing the relationships they have with their "fierce" mothers, and "amazing" fathers and I always groan, roll my eyes, and quickly move on. You won't find that here, so if family life is rough for you lets commiserate together. Also, I have never been a skinny pregnant lady nor do I lose all my pregnancy weight in 6 weeks; so we can also commiserate about those topics as well.

What else.. I get some interesting comments about having a girl... like people who are so glad I'm finally having a girl, or the perfect family, or so I won't be surrounded by hungry boys all the time, or that I finally get to experience a daughter. These comments are odd, I can't get them out of my head. I love Jude with intensity I never thought I had in me as I really am a typical average person with mediocre aspirations and I'm totally accepting of that. Maybe to an unhealthy amount, ha. So when I love this little boy so hard I feel like I could drop dead from it at any given moment, comments about finally having a girl somehow seem to discredit the relationship I already have with my son and it really breaks my heart. In fact, I got a little sad thinking I'll only get one baby boy... of course I know I'll feel the same when my daughter arrives and I'll be so grateful to love her with the same intensity but boys are also awesome and so amazing and so are girls.

As you can see, I'm a sensitive thing right now. Now that the nausea has passed I think I'm on the boat of sensitivity and double chins, at certain angles.

09 July 2014

It's July!

Oh man, life just keeps going by faster and faster.

Let's see, June was a whirl wind. We were lucky enough to have two visitors, Dan's Mom and my good friends Dana and Tyler. "Gramma" came right at the end of May for a week and then my good friends came about a week later. We did it all. The full Patience D.C. Tour, lots of food, lots of museums, lots of staying up late talking, and lots of fun. It was so special to have some friends and family from home come visit. It doesn't happen often as we are so freaking far away. 

Then, two weeks later we had to move. June was really busy, really fun, and really stressful. Every emotion was felt in that month. For a while we couldn't find a new place to live until I finally spotted something on Craigslist that didn't seem like they would kill us if we went by to take a peek. One Craigslist place we went to look at wanted us to come by at 10pm, sketchy. We could have been strangled. Due to being stellar tenants, our reference totally talked us up and told the landlord he would be silly not to negotiate on price with us. That's some good karma I'll try to pay forward someday and am so thankful for. The new place is finally okay, with lots of elbow grease the dog smell is almost gone and I am able to relax. 

Upon moving in we had to be here for different people to come and clean and fix stuff and we couldn't really unpack for the first week. I thought I'd be fine handling such a situation but the older I get the less tolerance I have for annoying things. At my weakest, I took Jude to Costco for some groceries and he wanted a cookie from the bakery. They give them out to kids all the time in Costcos everywhere but this day ours was out of kids cookies. Jude just screamed and I didn't have the wherewithal to just walk away so I thought I'd buy some. Who cares. So he eats his cookie as we go through the aisles and then my stress catches up with me and I'm all "there is no way I'm paying for these effing cookies, they should have them for the kids in the bakery!!" In fury I tossed that container of open cookies on top of the bulk aluminium foil and I was off with a "humph!" For sure my lowest. I should probably go pay for them next time I'm at the wholesale store. But I probably won't. There's some bad karma that will probably follow me for a while. Sorry Costco. Sorry life.

On another note, I could probably blog just about this one thing, but while it is still fresh I'll put it down. I heard on the radio that the National Zoo got some new (to them) elephants all the way from Calgary! I was so excited I called Dan right away to report. You guys. I finally have some family down here. Yes, of pachyderm origin, but I'll take what I can get. I know where Sunday dinner will be this week! I'll bring 50 lbs of watermelon for dessert. 

Of course a little about my favorite little guy, Dan. Just kidding, it's Jude. He is 2 years and 3 months and if you say he is 2 and a half I get annoyed. Don't age my kid. He talks a mile a minute and runs even faster. He loves rocket ships, diggers, to dance, talking about things that scare him, planes, cars, babies, his sock monkey and the blanket Daddy used when he was a baby. Jude also has a pretty strong opinion about how I should wear my hair. He wants it down. He is good at putting his own thoughts together which always makes us laugh. Last night at the dinner table he engaged in a game of peek-a-boo that escalated until we had this little guy in stitches by pretending to fall over because he frightened us so much. It was a sweet little moment where we didn't stop him, we just played and played even though there were vegetables to eat and dishes to do. Jude almost has the ABC song down which reminds me that I need to video tape him doing it right away before he learns it for real. Twinkle Twinkle and Happy Birthday are also in his repertoire. Jude wants to be outside all the time and never wants to go home for nap time. But we do, and it's glorious. Jude is a great kid and I wish you all knew him. 

But wait, The Fourth of July also happened. While we celebrated Canada Day quietly, there was nothing quiet about Independence Day this year. We went to a fun pancake breakfast at the church where real Tropicana Orange Juice was served and all I could think was finally a good use of my tithing money. Then we headed to an old timey 4th celebration at a nearby farm that was freaking amazing. Jude was in heaven. He danced his little heart out to the live bands, which is hilarious in itself, learned about Virginia Rat Snakes and Bullfrogs, and played lots of little games. We had a late afternoon BBQ with friends and then it was off to the fireworks, which, of course, scared Jude. But he also loved them. How he reconciles his emotions I'll never know. It was the best 4th we've had here and I'm so grateful, as national holidays always depress me because we don't have family to spend it with. I should honestly stop complaining because hello elephants.

Love and miss you all!! xoxo pp