07 November 2014

Out to Sea


Well, yep, we are having a baby. In March. It's a girl and we don't know what we will name her. Jude's vote is for "Jessie" so we will have to wait and see what actually happens. Jude and Jessie though, kinda sweet.

It has been months since I have last blogged. The first trimester sent me out to sea for a solid 14 weeks where no remedy could soothe the constant rocking back and forth nausea. My best defense was deep breathing and always holding on to something so I could make it through the day. Also, lots of shows and lying on the couch. I've never been on an official cruise but oddly I don't think I ever want to go on one now. Those 14 weeks cured any cruising curiosity I thought I ever had.

These months of carrying around this little body have brought me to a lot of inward soul searching. Mostly trying to figure out how to make it in a world with parents who are unable to show their love for you in a way that seems plausible. I hate to say they don't care about me but that is how it seems to be. I know lots of people are in the same boat (too soon!), so I try not to have pity parties too often but they still happen. My MIL always says that the person who cares the most always looses the most. So no more caring... except the older I get the more I find that I actually do care. A lot of bloggers are always immortalizing the relationships they have with their "fierce" mothers, and "amazing" fathers and I always groan, roll my eyes, and quickly move on. You won't find that here, so if family life is rough for you lets commiserate together. Also, I have never been a skinny pregnant lady nor do I lose all my pregnancy weight in 6 weeks; so we can also commiserate about those topics as well.

What else.. I get some interesting comments about having a girl... like people who are so glad I'm finally having a girl, or the perfect family, or so I won't be surrounded by hungry boys all the time, or that I finally get to experience a daughter. These comments are odd, I can't get them out of my head. I love Jude with intensity I never thought I had in me as I really am a typical average person with mediocre aspirations and I'm totally accepting of that. Maybe to an unhealthy amount, ha. So when I love this little boy so hard I feel like I could drop dead from it at any given moment, comments about finally having a girl somehow seem to discredit the relationship I already have with my son and it really breaks my heart. In fact, I got a little sad thinking I'll only get one baby boy... of course I know I'll feel the same when my daughter arrives and I'll be so grateful to love her with the same intensity but boys are also awesome and so amazing and so are girls.

As you can see, I'm a sensitive thing right now. Now that the nausea has passed I think I'm on the boat of sensitivity and double chins, at certain angles.




09 July 2014

It's July!

Oh man, life just keeps going by faster and faster.

Let's see, June was a whirl wind. We were lucky enough to have two visitors, Dan's Mom and my good friends Dana and Tyler. "Gramma" came right at the end of May for a week and then my good friends came about a week later. We did it all. The full Patience D.C. Tour, lots of food, lots of museums, lots of staying up late talking, and lots of fun. It was so special to have some friends and family from home come visit. It doesn't happen often as we are so freaking far away. 

Then, two weeks later we had to move. June was really busy, really fun, and really stressful. Every emotion was felt in that month. For a while we couldn't find a new place to live until I finally spotted something on Craigslist that didn't seem like they would kill us if we went by to take a peek. One Craigslist place we went to look at wanted us to come by at 10pm, sketchy. We could have been strangled. Due to being stellar tenants, our reference totally talked us up and told the landlord he would be silly not to negotiate on price with us. That's some good karma I'll try to pay forward someday and am so thankful for. The new place is finally okay, with lots of elbow grease the dog smell is almost gone and I am able to relax. 

Upon moving in we had to be here for different people to come and clean and fix stuff and we couldn't really unpack for the first week. I thought I'd be fine handling such a situation but the older I get the less tolerance I have for annoying things. At my weakest, I took Jude to Costco for some groceries and he wanted a cookie from the bakery. They give them out to kids all the time in Costcos everywhere but this day ours was out of kids cookies. Jude just screamed and I didn't have the wherewithal to just walk away so I thought I'd buy some. Who cares. So he eats his cookie as we go through the aisles and then my stress catches up with me and I'm all "there is no way I'm paying for these effing cookies, they should have them for the kids in the bakery!!" In fury I tossed that container of open cookies on top of the bulk aluminium foil and I was off with a "humph!" For sure my lowest. I should probably go pay for them next time I'm at the wholesale store. But I probably won't. There's some bad karma that will probably follow me for a while. Sorry Costco. Sorry life.

On another note, I could probably blog just about this one thing, but while it is still fresh I'll put it down. I heard on the radio that the National Zoo got some new (to them) elephants all the way from Calgary! I was so excited I called Dan right away to report. You guys. I finally have some family down here. Yes, of pachyderm origin, but I'll take what I can get. I know where Sunday dinner will be this week! I'll bring 50 lbs of watermelon for dessert. 

Of course a little about my favorite little guy, Dan. Just kidding, it's Jude. He is 2 years and 3 months and if you say he is 2 and a half I get annoyed. Don't age my kid. He talks a mile a minute and runs even faster. He loves rocket ships, diggers, to dance, talking about things that scare him, planes, cars, babies, his sock monkey and the blanket Daddy used when he was a baby. Jude also has a pretty strong opinion about how I should wear my hair. He wants it down. He is good at putting his own thoughts together which always makes us laugh. Last night at the dinner table he engaged in a game of peek-a-boo that escalated until we had this little guy in stitches by pretending to fall over because he frightened us so much. It was a sweet little moment where we didn't stop him, we just played and played even though there were vegetables to eat and dishes to do. Jude almost has the ABC song down which reminds me that I need to video tape him doing it right away before he learns it for real. Twinkle Twinkle and Happy Birthday are also in his repertoire. Jude wants to be outside all the time and never wants to go home for nap time. But we do, and it's glorious. Jude is a great kid and I wish you all knew him. 

But wait, The Fourth of July also happened. While we celebrated Canada Day quietly, there was nothing quiet about Independence Day this year. We went to a fun pancake breakfast at the church where real Tropicana Orange Juice was served and all I could think was finally a good use of my tithing money. Then we headed to an old timey 4th celebration at a nearby farm that was freaking amazing. Jude was in heaven. He danced his little heart out to the live bands, which is hilarious in itself, learned about Virginia Rat Snakes and Bullfrogs, and played lots of little games. We had a late afternoon BBQ with friends and then it was off to the fireworks, which, of course, scared Jude. But he also loved them. How he reconciles his emotions I'll never know. It was the best 4th we've had here and I'm so grateful, as national holidays always depress me because we don't have family to spend it with. I should honestly stop complaining because hello elephants.

Love and miss you all!! xoxo pp

27 May 2014

Disney!

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Carousel-fie! 
I brought dinner to a friend who just had her first baby this evening. Walking into her house was like time travel. If it is possible for the sight and feel of a new parents home to trigger postpartum hormones I think that happened to me. Man, I was so reminded of what the newborn stage is like and all of a sudden I wanted to tuck Jude in with me in a warm comfy nest so we could torpor for a season and he would emerge 6 months older. I made sure to make something extra delicious and pack her with nutrients with the hopes of boosting her energy levels for all the night time nursing. Oh babies. So wonderful, so much work, and your hormones trick you into thinking you like it, or don't. Bodies are so weird, and of course amazing and beautiful.

What I was really going to blog about was our DisneyWorld trip. We had such a nice time. I did a lot of reading before our departure about what to do there, what to eat, what to buy, et cetera. A lot of the blogs and forums I read honestly overwhelmed me. We went, we had fun, we ate, we bought a few things and it was awesome. All those blogs were a little too much for me and I ended up making reservations that were too over the top and it was a good thing I could cancel without penalty within 24 hrs notice. I got to go to DisneyLand quite a few times growing up so I knew what the basics were and we went from there. If it is your first trip I'd do all that reading with a grain of salt but if you know the layout I'd just go with it. This is kinda my motto in life though and it usually works out great but not all the time, so there's my disclaimer just incase ;).

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From all my reading the helpful tips that I took from those crazy blogs were these: bring lots of snacks (duh), dollar store glow sticks, and your own pool toys. The rest is intuitive and so I have just condensed thousands of Disney Blogs into 3 tips. For instance "pack lots of sunscreen" is quite intuitive. Ah, the simple life.

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We were lucky enough to overlap our visit with my sister and her family as she was at DisneyWorld for a work conference. What are the chances?! We only got about a day and a half together but it was so fun to be there with some cousins and family. Oh I love family. I want to move close to you all, each one of you, at this very moment. Figure that out, Doc Brown.

Life has not been nearly as magical since we returned but every passing day seems to be a little less depressing. We had such a good time I'm not sure we can ever go back again because I don't want to experience the terrible feeling of not being at DisneyWorld anymore. Honestly, there is no point in getting out of bed if you are not at Disney. Sigh.



24 May 2014

I Think I'm Going To Try This Again

Yes, I will blog again. It's been so long. I got pretty busy there and lost all time management skills whatsoever. Although I still mourn the days when I would lie around eating bon bons and snuggling my sweet child, I actually enjoy a busy life and I finally found those aforementioned skills about time. Here I am baby, and I'll try to make it a regular thing as I really enjoy the journaling aspect of blogging. And I also enjoy talking about Jude all the time where no one can stop me.

Jude. That kid is a full blown Two Two! We love him so much and think everything he does has never before been done by any other two year old and that he is basically going to cure cancer because he is so smart. I love having one kid and being a first time parent. The things you experience are cliche at best and at the same time pure magic. Or do you feel that way about all your children no matter how many you have? I don't know. 

He talks a mile a minute. We have narration to almost everything we do all day long. Morgan Freeman should probably watch out because I'm pretty sure all the two year olds in the world could give him a run for his narration money. In the world of a toddler nothing should ever go unannounced, ever... even in the bathroom when I'm the one going. Jude puts thoughts together on his own now and wants to hear stories from my head and sing songs. He's a lover of crayons and sidewalk chalk. He always wants to go outside, go swimming, go to the gym, go to Target and Costco and Petsmart (can I hear it for the suburban kids, woot woot!), and to Jacobs house. Throwing a frisbee (kind of) is also a pretty big deal for him. Jude also gives really good kisses but sometimes he bites. He gets this from his mother. He is still my little cuddle bug and loves to go to sleep on his tummy with a stuffed animal tucked under each arm while he cuddles his daddy's blanket from 25 years ago. Jude also loves to be Spiderman, Superman, Turbo, and Lightning McQueen. The life of a toddler... pure magic. 

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There you go. I'm back at it and I hope I stick around, xo. 

24 March 2014

A Two Two!

My heart is in so many places as my baby boy turns TWO tomorrow.  It's in the bathroom feeling really weird when I found out I was pregnant. It's in my bedroom, crying on my bed, not answering any calls/doors/texts because I was so overdue and I was so sick of it... so dramatic. It's in the delivery room, after I found his soul in the stars and he was in my arms. It's in those first months when he wouldn't ever stop crying. It's in the Thank You cards I wrote to all the angels that brought me food those first few weeks and it all tasted like freaking gold! It's watching that little first smile, that first roll, those first teeth, and those first wobbly steps, that first word (mama), and the first taste of real food. Oh my heart is just everywhere. This boy is so loved. He is the dream come true I never knew I had.


Zero:

One: 

Two:





Dear Jude, I love you, you little stinker. You are one sweet little boy full of wonder, laughter, and ants in your pants. Also, the fastest little racer I've ever seen. Happy Birthday to you!


07 March 2014

March So Far

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It's March! May we all continue to March forward. I'm not Catholic but I've always been interested so this year I am participating in Lent. I think it is a neat thing. Now, I've never actually read about Lent or how it is suppose to go so I'm just going on what I've heard through friends and TV and Movies which I think puts me at a good fair start. Ha ha. I know that if you really participate you should go to an Ash Wednesday Mass where you get an ash mark on your forehead. And then, one of Dan's coworkers says that you are actually not suppose to share what you give up for Lent, but to keep it close to your heart. I heard about that only after I proclaimed my intentions to Facebook, so missed that one! For some reason I am thinking that you are suppose to give up something that has to do with one of the seven deadly sins as well. I should really just go and read Wikipedia about it all. After this I'll do that so I can continue to blog to you about my version of it all. So I've blown a few of the requisite requirements for Lent, but I didn't know about them all at once. This is my "I feel mostly culturally Mormon these days kind of twist on Catholic Lent" thing and so far I like it. Also, I totally respect the practice of Lent and mean no disrespect.

For Lent 2014 I'm giving up refined sugar. I have a total addiction and I think the only way to get rid of it is to go cold turkey for at least forty days. Working on day 3 here and I'm doing really well. I just think of old JC starvin' marvin' for forty days and it helps me get through. Even though it's not a "if He can do it so can I" kind of thing because lets be real, he was super human, I still gain strength thinking about him every time I want some brownie. I'm taking my spirituality into my own hands these days and this is part of my quest. I'm pretty sure that the desserts in 2014 are way better than the desserts He had to choose from though. He could basically eat dates for dessert. Dates. If the devil came and tempted Him with a warm homemade brownie with some premium vanilla bean ice cream, a touch of whipped cream and toasted almond slivers would he have said no? Hmmm. Answer me that internet.

About Jude. He is super old these days. 2 at the end of the month in fact. He will no longer ham it up when I want to take a picture of him which saddens me as it makes him less cute. My old trick of asking him if he wants a cookie only upsets him as the cookie never comes. Humph. He may as well be a teenager if you want to know the truth. Teenagers are cute too though so I will survive. Jude is talking up a storm, learning a new word almost every day. Just today he was talking about puppies and of course our hearts melted. He also finally made it up the play structure at Chick Fil A with lots of grunting and straining, but he climbed that big boy structure like a boss... well, like a struggling boss and came down that slide exclaiming "I did it! I did it!" It is so neat to see him work so hard and be so proud.

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Oh Judie bootie, I take it back you are still slightly cute. He for sure has his dad's OCD which makes us laugh on a daily basis. He can't eat a meal if something in the kitchen, front room, or restaurant is out of place, he says "oh no! oh no!" until that something is fixed. He hates spilling on himself and will carefully pick up whatever spilt and place it where it belongs. You can see how spilling yogurt is quite an ordeal because that junk is hard to get back in place with only fingers or a toddler spoon to work with. He closes all doors and closest that are open before passing them by and gets really upset about his messy runny noses. My FIL's mother tells a story of him (my FIL) very carefully wiping off his own face as a one year old that always makes me laugh and think of Jude. I know he gets it from Dan and we know where Dan gets it from! Jude will even take care to turn his sippy cups so that the spout faces a certain direction when he places them in the fridge. Once he gets the counting thing down I'm going to drop a box of toothpicks and ask him how many.

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So that's that. Lent and a little bit about our sweet boy. xo, pp



14 February 2014

Valentines 2014

Hmm. I really wish I would have taken more pictures of my short 48 hours in Calgary. 

When I was flying on that glorious no toddler flight of magazines, sleeping, and wonder home, I finally agreed with myself that even though I have never been crashed and banged up in a car accident or pushed and pulled to and fro in the raging waves, I am a survivor too. And honestly, who isn't?

I'm in accord that my parents did the best they could with what they were given and with what they were able to bring to our huge kitchen table, but growing up in my family wasn't that easy. There were so many kids, so many stresses, so many assumptions, and not enough wisdom or patience to get us to the flip side safely. I mean, it wasn't always the worst of times but it also wasn't the best of times. And of course I have good memories and we did get to do lots of fun things but everything was experienced with this thick dark shadow following closely behind and sometimes in front. 

The security that comes from an attended love was always just out of reach and as such all nine of us were left grasping at whatever could hold a grip. With decreased frequency I sometimes still find myself grasping and grasping for something to grip and my desperate hands have still only themselves. Gratefully, that is only sometimes. 

The resilience of the human spirit stops me still these days and I sit in its awe. I was the lucky one who got to see all but one of her family members last weekend and we are the lucky ones who somehow made it to the flip side still wanting to be kind, generous, loving, good people. It's a tender mercy of this life. It didn't have to be this way. But here we are, grateful survivors with lots of love to give and with open hearts to receive. I wish I would have taken more pictures from my 48 hours so you could see the love and light in the faces of the ones I love most. 

On this love day I give all the survivors out there, and that's everyone, my love! 


xoxo to you and yours