23 November 2015


Oh look, I'm getting busy on the ole' blog again. It's because my sweet little pile of smiles and coos is eight months old! My dear friend had a baby just yesterday and I feel like that should be me. I should be the one holding that sweet little baby blob against my chest. Oh well. I love Greta just the same and am just as grateful for her as I was the day she was was born, even though she is probably double her birth weight and will no longer curl up on my chest. Apparently there is far too much for her to do now.

Greta gives the best smiles. One of my favorite smiles of hers is the good morning salute. Dan brings her to our bedroom and as soon as she sees me her arms start flapping, her big bright eyes turn into tiny squints, and her mouth opens so wide surely you'd think donuts were involved. She likes to paw at my face and then quickly moves on to more important things. The tags on the pillows, Dan's nose, or the cord for the blinds are all big draws. That morning salute, it's oh so sweet. "Good morning Mother, today is a happy day!" I just know that's what she's trying to say. 

Without consulting her parents, approximately four days ago, this little girl started pulling herself up on to anything that can be pulled upon. It was so rude, her growing up without consent. From month 6-7 she still wasn't sitting up on her own, rather reclining as nudes do, at almost exactly 7 months she figured enough was enough and learned how to take a good sit, and now, almost 8 months on the button she is pulling to standing. And I'm tear-faced emoji all day long about it all. She pulls herself up on the coffee table, the kids Poang chair, the kitchen step stool, the ball table, the book shelf, the pantry shelf, ... the couch - but that one's not near as successful. The thing is, once she's up she doesn't really know how to do anything else, but she did master the graceful fall about two days ago so at least less crying is involved. 

Greta still loves her brother. Jude loves to climb into her crib with her when I retrieve her from a nap and smother her in loves. Sometimes he loves too hard. Jude is also very good at telling and showing her what toys she can and cannot play with. He does not like it when I correct him by saying she can play with allllll the toys, but oh well. He already didn't enjoy sharing so it's really no big deal. The other day Jude had some ice cream in the car and gave Greta a lick!!! Neither Dan nor I noticed until it was too late. Jude was so proud, it was hard to be upset. Jude's report was "she liked it, she just licked it up" and then he proceeded to slurp like a baby. My big baby and my little baby. I love them. 

And also we moved to Maryland. It was so difficult to say goodbye to a place and people that we love dearly but so far things a state up have been good. We are just trying to find Jude some friends, which always takes time. Yesterday at the park as we pulled up I told him some kids were there and his reply was "oh good, then I can make some friends!" It kind of broke my heart but also I know he's doing fine. Why just this afternoon I was his friend and we played and played while Greta slumbered. Preschool will probably start next week for him so hopefully there will be some little friends to invite to his birthday party in March. He talks about his birthday a lot and he is a little concerned about the guest list, if I'm being honest.  

So Greta is 8 months old, Jude is adorable, and we moved. Life.    {pictures come soon.... i hope}

14 October 2015

6 1/2 months

I am terrible at getting these things out in time, which annoys me. I wrote monthly for Jude and I want to do the same for sweet Greta. And, I had something funny to blog about, though "oh I should make a note of that idea," while having an extra hot shower the other day, never did make that note, and now I forget what I was going to say. But I know it was funny, so you can laugh if you want.

Okay. Greta is adorable. I think she is made of pure brownie batter, she is just so yummy. And she can CRAWL. She started at 6 months old, no joke. A little earlier than I expected but I don't even mind as it is the cutest thing ever to watch. She's like a baby Godzilla, terrorizing all of Jude's toys, and it's hilarious. Sometimes Jude is fine with it and other times he gets all red in the face and says "Grrrrrrrrrreeeeta!". Ha ha ha. I love it. She still can't quite sit up on her own, but has mastered the 'reclining nude' stance, a la George Costanza. And you know, it really gets the job done. I need to get a picture of that because it kills me. I'm her mother though, everything she does makes me want to drop dead because she is so sweet and cute I can't take it anymore. With Jude and Greta around I just don't know how I'm still alive, breathing and blinking. They KILL me dead in mah tracks all day long. Like I've said before, I really love this mom gig, way more than I ever thought I would. Oh! She is also eating food a little here and there! So far she likes sweet potato and carrots with a no thank you ma'am to the butternut squishy squash. She will also gnaw on pear and apple slices (with much supervision) and seems to really enjoy those.  I'm going to devote more time to her food in the next week as right now she's just eating one 'meal' a day and I know she'd like more. So on to that.

Greta is a baby full of smiles. She is pretty calm and typically only cries when we have stretched her awake time a little too far. Greta loves her Jude brother. He can make her smile and coo just my entering the room. Jude loves to kiss her and try to pick her up. Greta is a baby on the move who prefers to be crawling around rather than in any contraption, even if you can jump in it. She still has no teeth!! I'm slightly concerned but I know I don't need to be. She loves her mommy but she also loves her daddy, which is awesome. We had her cry it out a few weeks ago and she did great! Going to bed is easy these days and if she fusses at night she typically just needs a little cuddle and she's off to dreamland again. In my sleeping stupor, I sometimes pull her into bed with us but she really prefers to be on her own, both breaking my heart and making me so happy. Babies are little for far too short a time.

Dan and I have been eating really healthy the past few weeks and I'm so proud of us. I've been learning a lot about food and what my body needs and I love it. So does my rump. I'm really hoping I keep this up and continue to be brave about trying new whole, healthy recipes even if they look weird. What I really want to do is eat mashed potatoes and grilled cheese sandwiches all day long but who doesn't. I've found out I actually do like sweet potatoes (yams, technically) and they do make a great base for a meal. THIS IS MONUMENTAL. Previously, I did not believe this. Now to just keep the wheel in motion- I can do it!

Jude is our little dude and I sure love him as well. He is loving preschool, except for on Tuesday when he told me he didn't want to go because his "feelings [were] tired." Jude loves anything Star Wars, which I do not love. I'm learning though and still, it is rather annoying. He is really good at imagination play with his cars, Transformers, Avengers toys, blocks... it's really fun to watch. He often makes them talk and then says ".... , said Ironman", like he's reading a book. It's really sweet. He is yelling less and less in other kids faces, which is so great. He's never been a hitter, pusher, or biter, but.... that kid can yell. It's his thing I guess and he is doing it less and less. We recently took him to Build-A-Bear and this kid loves his stuffies. It's sweet to see him care for Closing Stuffer (what the heck kind of name is that, Jude??), he makes him little beds, hugs him really tight and while closing his eyes says "ohhh I love you so much!". I love Jude so much, we love Jude so much. Kids.

A couple sweet things he said: The other day he had a rough morning and was not being very nice to me. When I dropped him off at preschool he gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry I was so mean to you this morning..." and, again, I almost died it was so sweet. Then at the park with Dan the other day, Dan was at the bottom of a tube slide making silly sounds that travelled up the slide and Jude was at the top with another kid. He said to the other kid "oh, that's my dad, he makes funny jokes, and tells funny stories, and he's funny." Oh Jude, stay little forever, kid.

So that's that. My kids are getting bigger and bigger. It's really nice to be the one to care for them on a daily basis. I'm grateful for the opportunity even though it comes at a high cost. Babies, babies, babies!

20 August 2015

And Now She's Five Months Old

GRETA!!! Baby lady, you are 5 (I would like to use the F word as an adjective here, but will refrain) months old. Seriously, my mind is blown. We have made it almost half a year. And just to let you know, my Gretie Spaghetti, I am still pumping milk for you 5 times/day. I love you that much. It really sucks, but I love you more than it sucks. You will, however, nurse your left big toe and I am honestly offended and jealous of that piggie. That piggie is not going to the Market anytime soon. You are a champ at rolling over and once you have done it a few times and you are on your tummy you dig those little feet into the ground, stick up that little tush and grunt and groan, trying with all your might to propel forward. It is so cute, I even let you get a little frustrated doing it because I'm so tired I need something to make me laugh... where do you think you're going anyway? My poor kids. I mean, what kind of mother does this kind of stuff?  I do! And one of my friends recently told me I'm a 'fun mom', so I'm not going to stop. You laugh and you giggle and it is so sweet, my black heart turns pink for a few minutes and prickles recede. The best way to make you laugh and smile is to make a modified monkey sound, to repeatedly kiss your chubby little thighs or cheeks, or to have you watch Jude do anything. We all love you soooooooooooooo much. Oh baby, we are glad you are here.

^where does she think she's going, anyway??^

Happy happy 5 months to you. We are anxiously awaiting your teeth. 

Okay, onward we go. Jude is, of course, super cute these days too. He talks and talks, likes to 'joke' Dan and I, will do anything for a lollipop, and knows who is an Avenger and who is not. He's really interested in spelling and what letter a word starts with. His repertoire of songs he can sing is slowly growing and he can hold the tune pretty well for a Three Three. And we got rid of his binky/soother ages ago.... but sometimes the binky fairy brings it back when extra hard days hit and Dan does not like this. My favorite thing is when he starts really laughing on his own. Usually America's Funniest Videos will get him going and it is so incredibly adorable. Jude is also really good at playing make believe these days, all on his own too. He's so sweet when he does it, he will say "Hulk is angry again, said Ironman," like he's reading a book. It is so endearing.

My heart is full. My days are full. I am exhausted. I love these sweet little people. My back aches. My eyes pulsate. I am spent. This is what anxiously engaged in a good cause looks like for my life right now and I love it, I love this full, exhausting life.

(I'm getting a massage this weekend to help with a few of those things.)

04 August 2015

I'm just blogging here.

I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. It's been terribly heartbreaking. I really thought and I really believed that Scott Disick was playing the part of bad boyfriend for the show. I mean, why would someone stay with someone like him? He is in fact quite funny and entertaining but I guess he really is somewhat of a rotten little turd. Which breaks my heart because now everything I thought about Reality TV is probably not true. So it's not scripted, so there are not roles that need to be played, so these are indeed their actual lives and their actual realities. Hold the phone please, I need some time to sit down and process this, collect my thoughts, and figure out how I am going to continue living. Just when you think life has thrown you enough curve balls, right??! How could all that be real, honestly. Entertaining, yes, but real... I was okay with it not being real. But now this one thing makes all of it feel so real and is now hard to process. They actually live like that. Mind blown. My escape looks so different to me now.

So those are the deep dark thoughts in my sleep deprived mind these days. We had a friend over for dinner and he was very knowledgable about the current state of American Politics. I am not. I just think Donald Trump could be a pretty fun President, but beyond that I'm just not that interested. The next day Jude was asking me what I knew. After already feeling a little silly for really knowing zilch about politics I was like... what the eff do I know? And then I wanted to get smart again. I want to sit down with a thought provoking book and think about things like I used to. I want to have some original ideas and do things with them. But then I fell asleep because I was so tired. I think this season of my life is about my family, and me (of course), but it's all just a little different than it used to be. I wonder what it would be like to work full time and have babies- would work be the stimulation that I am craving or would I just be tired doing something else as opposed to just being tired in my day to day life. Who knows. Maybe I'll get smart again and find out.

What else. I love my sweet little babies. I put Greta in the park swing yesterday and it pleased me. I didn't swing her because I thought she would slip right through those leg holes and I don't want a pancake baby. Jude sure loves 'his' baby. When she finally wakes up he gets so excited and says in his baby voice "Ohhhhhhhhh awwwwweeee my sweet little baby is awake! Just look at those cute toes! Ohhhhhhh I love her so much!" It is basically what dreams are made of. I can always tell if he's been kissing her as forehead will have some kind of residue- crumbs, chocolate smear, a little peanut butter.. just depends on the day.

Well, some things that I do know for sure include: the smell of clean children coming out of the bath, how to make a certain 4 month old laugh and giggle, how to coax Jude into a late afternoon nap, how to expertly cuddle, what it feels like to have their sweet little hands curled up in mine. Those really are great things to know... one day I'll remember them but it won't be the same as knowing them as I do now.

23 July 2015

Four Months Old!

Well. Did the you-know-what ever hit the fan at two months old. Here is  a very long story made short.

Poor Greta was tongue tied but it went undiagnosed and untreated until she was about 2 months old when she stopped gaining weight. She could have stopped gaining before that, but that was when we had a doctor appointment and saw the numbers. My heart just sank when she was placed on the scale and I realized she had gained only 6 or so ounces since her last visit. Sad face. We have been through a lot over here and it's still not resolved. We had her posterior tongue tie and her upper lip tie revised by laser on June 24th and she is still learning how to suck properly. She was an older baby for the procedure and has been pretty slow to learn how to use her new, longer, tongue. Damn that muscle memory. She is seeing a chiropractor which is suppose to help loosen up all the muscles that she was using to compensate for her little tongue and we are on the waiting list to be seen at the feeding and swallowing clinic at the hospital here. I feel like I'm in Canada, being on some medical wait list! And people say health care is so much better in the US. I think it's pretty much the same just with different challenges.

With her poor sucking abilities I'm still pumping all the live long day and she takes a bottle. I'd really like to nurse her because Jude and I enjoyed it for so long and I really want that same relationship with Greta. I don't know if it's realistic anymore though. I've been pumping for almost 2 months as at the beginning of June Greta started refusing to nurse because it was too physically difficult for her. Ohhhhh my poor baby! And, according to the Lactation Consultant that is about when my milk supply started to level out and it was even harder for Greta to get milk because it did not flow as freely. I'm pretty torn up about it all and mostly in the anger phase of grieving- I'm so effing mad at the hospital staff. No one who examined her there caught her posterior tongue tie. Not the pediatrician who examined and discharged her, the lactation consultant we saw there, the nurses... and I was none the wiser. If you are about to have a baby demand that your sweet little one be examined for lip ties, anterior and posterior tongue ties, if you want to nurse. I feel like our nursing relationship was just taken away from us. If babies have a revision when they are just days old they typically bounce right back and nurse like champs. I want two babies people, I can't just go having a third because I want to nurse. So I'm pumping. Oh am I pumping. I'll give it another month of appointments, therapy and prayer, and pumping but then I'll probably start supplementing and pumping less as I'm going slightly insane. I really hope she can learn to nurse properly but right now she typically gets frustrated and upset when she tries :/. We keep trying though- gently, patiently, and slowly as I don't want her to have an aversion to nursing. Like I said, I just don't know if nursing is even realistic for us anymore... I am so mad and oh so sad. 

That there is a long story, thanks for staying with me. 
Greta turned 4 months old yesterday though (well a couple days ago, I haven't had a chance to finish this post...). And she is just the sweetest little thing. She loves her mother with a fierce devotion, poor Dan, poor anyone else. She smiles all the time and loves watching Jude. She typically wakes up really happy- cooing and singing her songs. She still sleeps in her bassinet in our bedroom as I just can't bare her to be too far away from me yet and she is still waking up at least once during the night. I honestly don't know when I'll put her in the crib. She is gaining weight now that I pump and give her a bottle, so she has the cutest little rolly polly's that are far too kissable. Between pumping, mugging on my baby, all her appointments, and still being in complete adoration of my Jude boy, things like my baseboards have gone completely neglected and also my hair. Somehow though, I've still managed to get meals on the table. I'm a ravenous pumping mother, I guess. I want to eat all the time, no I need to eat all the time! Greta is almost rolling over, but not quite yet. She doesn't have any teeth but is constantly chomping on her little hands so something must be going on in her gingiva. We shall see! Jude got his first tooth at 4 months almost to the day. Gosh we just love this little girl. Babies are a lot of work, things never turn out how you want them too, but behind the work and perhaps the frustrations, lies love, and so very much of it.

Four months of Greta and we can't wait for more.

20 May 2015

TWO MONTHS OLD and other musings

My sweet Great Girl is T W O months old! I can hardly believe it. She is a wonderful little thing and of course, a wonderful cliche, we love her to bits. Ohhhhh Greta!!!

Right now things are still pretty chill. My sweet newborn is starting to wake up to the world. She's smiling and cooing and tires her best to keep her eyes on that big brother of hers, which is hard, because he has ants in his pants. Ask him to check for the ants next time you see him, it's adorable. Little Greta wants to be held more these days but I don't even mind. My dishes may be piling up but so is my snuggle time, so who cares. This little lady will only snuggle me for so long. Well, Jude still snuggles the crap out of me when he gets the chance so maybe my snuggles with Greta will last just as long. If chance would fall upon me. 

Today I was going through some old pictures of University, of Paris, of my mission, and so on and so forth, and I was so amazed at all the unique opportunities I've got to experience in my life so far. Life has so many different seasons and I do my best to enjoy each as much as I can. Looking at all the old pictures I was reminded of certain things I was hoping for and wanting to happing right then and next and tomorrow for goodness sake, and why not already. But, I was also reminded of the happiness, even the sadness, I had exactly at those moments and so grateful that I got to be there. I just really love life and everything all the time and POSTPARTUM HORMONES make me so gushy. Oh life is so beautiful. Are you rolling your eyes yet? I'll stop. I just love loving things. And now I have kids who get to experience that stuff too. It      is     all       so       beautiful. ..... even when it's not. 

After much thought and soul searching I've decided to leave my blog public for now. I may not talk as much about my kids or put as many pictures of them on here, but I'll still be around, until I'm not. 

News around here, I started to be serious about losing my baby/brownie weight. I call it that because 2 months in I'm pretty sure my body has rid itself of all the baby libbers and now we are working on what the brownies did to me. Well, I guess I let them.

I really believe I can stick to my healthy eating and exercise. In fact I know I can. Greta's birth was so cathartic for me and it gave me the confidence and strength I have been lacking for sometime. There is absolutely nothing wrong with epidurals and c-sections and pain medication. They are all amazing tools that help bring life into this world and I've used some of them myself. For Greta's birth though, It felt like my soul was in deep need of believing in itself again. I needed to believe that I was strong and I longed to see the proof. I needed a reboot. And good God, there is nothing like a natural labor to reboot oneself. I feel like I could wrestle a physical/mental Hulk and win. Anyway, in a very corny way I honestly feel like I'm drawing from Greta's birth experience to help me have the strength and will to feed my body what it needs to be healthy and strong. I'm harnessing that energy you guys, and I'm going to use it all over the place, not just in the kitchen, but, also in the kitchen. I'm pretty excited. When I get  brave enough I'll post some before and after pictures.

And to take us out, Jude says the sweetest things these days. I love watching the wheels spin in his head as he puts things together. We were driving to Greta's 2 month check up today and a few minutes into the trip he says "Mom, will your stretching marks go away?" It was so sweet. I said yes, because, well, they do fade, which for me is as good as it's gonna get, and I don't even mind.

04 May 2015


Hello my dear readers!! If anyone is out there anymore ;).

I want to start blogging more for my family (family updates, journaling...) and I've made the decision to make this blog private, mostly so I can put more cute pictures of Jude in his underwear and not have it keep me up at night. I mean, pedophiles are real and my kids are too precious. 

So, if you'd like to keep reading leave a comment with the email address you would like to use when checking my blog. You can also text or call me or FB me and let me know. If I don't know you and you want to keep reading just let me know you aren't a weirdo. I'll give it a couple of weeks. If you don't want to keep reading, no problem! I don't want you anyway... ha ha, jokes people. I know everyone is busy with their own lives, let alone keeping up with mine. I basically make time for The Kardashians and that's it these days... oh, and my sisters. 

Well there it is. 

xoxo  pp